Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
