i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
