ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
