Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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