dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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