Cold hands, warm shart.
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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