So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
