i wish there were pregnant emoticons
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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