I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
pray to the hookup gods
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
