it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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