so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
