I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
