I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
