tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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