would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
