Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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