i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
