they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
