Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
