Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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