my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
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Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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