You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
