I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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