i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
