those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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