So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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