He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
