I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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