You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
wanna go halves on a baby?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
