My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
