He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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