Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just threw up on my dentist
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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