i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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