Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
