my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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