Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
