we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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