hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
