We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
