Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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