$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
