And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
