Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's blow job season.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
