ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
