just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
