he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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