Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I touched a dick in church today
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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