i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
