Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
