My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
