It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
