mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
this hospital has no fireball
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize