all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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