Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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