she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
