whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
