the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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