Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
