So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
