I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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