I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
