1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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