I got chris browned last night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
