The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
