party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
