I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
