The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
