"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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