piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
