You're so nebulous sometimes
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
