She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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