don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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