hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
