i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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