i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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