he thought i was a dude.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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