At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
