and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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