we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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